So Hard

I just posted the journal entried I made on my way to see dad in February.  I am going to try to journal more with the hopes that it will help me get through this hard mourning time. 
I miss my dad.  I think about him 100x's more now than I ever have. I miss him.  I wish I could call him and tell him how much I love him.  I wish I could share the things in life with him that he loved so much.  Cars, orange rolls, funny stories..etc.  I wish I could call him and tell him my dad died, ask him what I should do to get through this hard time.  He was the best in hard situations.  He helped me through so many.  It was such a blessing from God when I was going through something so rough, my dad was there.  He always seemed to know just what to say. 
I called him when I found out that Pete's sperm counts were so bad that we wouldn't be able to conceive on our own.  I was devestated. He seemed to really know how to life me up and give me hope.  He wasn't much of a temple goer, but he sure did have alot of faith. I respected that.  I respected him. 
I am feeling sad and lonely.  It is nice I have so many siblings that are going through the EXACT same thing.  At least somebody understands. 
I really feel like we as siblings should send our sister Jen a thank you card.  Thanking her for all she did for dad during his whole cancer treatments.  She was always there for him.  She spent so much time and effort to make sure we were all informed and always knew the latest on his condition.  It helped us all tremendously and gave us the opportunity to see him before he died. 
Time to get back to my dad.  More later I'm sure.